Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
