I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
