I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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