Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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