His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize