I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
