my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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