Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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