I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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