Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
