so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
