dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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