hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize