paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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