so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
