ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
