I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
