i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could fuck to npr.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
