chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
