at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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