Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
