...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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