y did u give ur computer a hand job?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
