u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
