next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
