1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
