i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize