turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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