i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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