you mean i was at the winter classic?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize