It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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