so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
