If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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