I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
