i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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