Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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