All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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