why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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