need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
