Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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