my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
