So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
