I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
