Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
