she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
