I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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