i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
