roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
