i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well you can't waste a boner
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
