If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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