Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
