Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
