she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
