Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
