I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
