you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
