Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
