You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
