I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never underestimate the power of titties
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
