everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
