i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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