I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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