New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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