HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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