I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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