omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
