i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
