she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
