Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
