david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
