Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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