3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
