Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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