they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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