I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
