I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
