Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
