I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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