Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
