Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
worst night to have a conscience
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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